I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
