In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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