you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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