i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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