apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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