if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize