Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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