hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
