first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
