he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
