There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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