Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
