Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
