I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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