The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
