Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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