I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
