I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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