To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
