I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
