I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
