He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
