I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
