Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
