its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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