Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Randomize
