Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
