Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
