Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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