before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
