There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
