i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize