I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize