Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
