well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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