Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
