Dual....:-)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
