I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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