My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
