Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
