Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
