I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
