I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
