if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
