in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
