what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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