Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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