It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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