Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
