I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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