Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize