i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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