I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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