My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
