I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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