Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
