he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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