I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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