you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
