____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
time to smoke my breakfast
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
