apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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