I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
