He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
