Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
