The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
