Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
