so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize