I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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