Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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