i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
