Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
