Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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