omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
