Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
