I puked a lego.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
